


Loki and the coffee

by Nekoamamori



Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Fluff, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-14
Updated: 2018-01-14
Packaged: 2019-03-04 15:40:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,576
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13367814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nekoamamori/pseuds/Nekoamamori
Summary: Prompt: Imagine Loki (whether for revenge, out of spite, or just to be a butthead) replacing all the coffee in Stark Tower with decaf. Inevitably, the Avengers end up putting on the drowsiest grump-fest anyone has ever seen.Loki keeps the decaf thing going for a while. Eventually, the withdrawal symptoms fade into nonexistence and everyone seems to have kicked the caffeine addiction. But Loki is far from finished.He’s still replacing the coffee with decaf for a few more months, shocked that nobody’s found him out yet, and gearing up for the grand finale of his prank.One fine morning, Loki replaces the decaf with espresso. He sits back with a book, struggling to keep a poker face as the Avengers bounce off the walls.





	Loki and the coffee

 

    “I would switch to the tea this morning, darling,” Loki commented from your favorite couch in the lounge on SHIELD’s helicarrier.

    “Did you do something to the coffee?” you asked as you went to obediently make tea instead. If Loki was saying not to drink the coffee, that really meant that you shouldn’t drink the coffee. You were just glad he liked you enough to warn you.

    “I would never do such a thing, Sig,” he replied. You rolled your eyes. The team had decided to call you Sigyn for your ability to somehow keep Loki from the most destructive of his mischief. He had decided he liked it, and so the name stuck.

    “Sure you wouldn’t,” you replied with all of the sarcasm you could muster as you took your spot next to him on the couch. “Didn’t Fury ground you again for whatever the last stunt you pulled was?” He held up the Stark tech restraining bracelet in reply.

    “Apparently when Stark blows something up on accident it is ok. When _I_ do it, it is destructive chaos and I get grounded like a child,” he grumbled, pouting like the petulant child he was complaining he was not.

    “Aww, poor baby,” you teased him, but gave him a kiss to thaw him out again. “So what are you doing today, since you’re grounded?”

    “Not touching the coffee,” he replied with a grin.

    “Which means I’ll be on Loki-sitting duty if you’re grounded. Wonder who’s going to take over when I’m teaching the newbies,” you mused aloud. You worked on paperwork until a fairly new agent came to take over Loki-sitting so you could beat up some newbies. “Be nice to the babysitter,” you told Loki, giving him another kiss before you left.

    *

    “Loki, what are you doing here?” you asked him during combat training with the newbies about an hour later. His babysitter was nowhere to be seen.

    “I missed you,” he replied as he took a seat to watch you beat up the newbie, who decided to attack you while you were busy with Loki.

    “What’d you do to the babysitter?” you asked while beating up the newbie, making it extra rough on him for fighting unfairly. “You were supposed to be nice to him,” you reminded him.

    “I was perfectly nice,” Loki replied innocently. You just gave him a look. “I even told him where I was going. It is not _my_ fault that when I said I was coming here, he said ok, and then did not teleport here with me,”

    “Lo, we’re the only two people on this whole ship who can teleport,” you reminded him, throwing another newbie to the ground. You were also the only one who could get away with shortening his name.

    “He should have been more specific,” Loki insisted with an innocent smile. He was behaving, so you didn’t fight him too hard, especially when the babysitter came running into the room a minute later, wheezing from lack of breath. You gave the babysitter a firm lecture about how Loki-sitting worked. You also reported the incident to the Agent’s superior. Loki-sitting was a big responsibility and shouldn’t be given to rookies who couldn’t handle it.

    *

    Three days later you finally figured out that Loki had switched all of the coffee with decaf. Everyone on the ship was a groggy mess, including all of the Avengers who were on board for a bunch of missions that had come up.

    “How long are you going to keep this up?” you asked Loki one morning after a couple of weeks of decaf.

    “For a little while longer. This is not the fun part yet,” he answered with a grin. Silly Trickster. His fun wasn’t hurting anyone, so you let him continue it.

    Bruce transformed into the Hulk at one point during his grumpy grogginess, but just curled up to take a nap. No one admitted how annoyed they were to find the Hulk sleeping in the middle of the hallway. At least he wasn’t smashing things.

    Everyone downed more and more coffee, except for you.

    Tony and Steve got into an exhausted argument and it was the grumpiest cranky tantrum you’d ever seen from adults. They were arguing over the last donut. Their argument woke Nat and they both ran from the room before she could wake all the way and kill them. You and Loki just laughed your asses off. Cap and Coulson still hadn’t woken from where they were passed out on one of the couches.

    Somehow the rookie got Loki-sitting duty that afternoon again. He’d supposedly had additional training, but you were surprised to see he’d gotten a double-shift. “Try to be nice to the babysitter,” you bid Loki before you gave him a kiss goodbye. You had work to do without Loki today on the bridge. He had a mischievous glint in his eyes, and a touch of anger. That wasn’t a good combination. Hopefully the rookie was up to dealing with him.

    About an hour later you were called to the medical bay. The rookie who was supposed to be Loki-sitting was there bleeding from multiple dagger wounds and had multiple broken bones. It was obvious they were dagger wounds, as he still had the daggers inside of his body. You sighed. “What’d he do to piss off Loki?” you asked the medical staff.

    “Someone told Loki that he was making fun of you,”

    “Well that was a death sentence. Do we know who gave him that information?” you asked.

    “His Superior. Apparently it was punishment for messing up his last Loki-sitting duty. We’ve reported the incident already,” they added. You nodded.

    “And Loki?”

    “Down in containment,”

    “Thanks,” you told them. You sighed and went to go collect Loki from the containment cell. You were one of the few who could rescue him. He was reading in the glass cell, looking for all the world like he didn’t mind being there.

    “Sig!” he called excitedly when he saw you, setting his book aside for the next time he ended up down here.

    “Lo, you’re not supposed to beat up the babysitter,” you reminded him with a smile as you unlocked the cell, to the protests of the agents down here.

    “But he was rude to you,” Loki replied as he wrapped you in a hug. “I only stabbed him a little. I should have thrown him off of the ship for being so rude,”

    You laughed. “Come on, silly trickster,” you bid him.

    *

    “Darling, whatever you do, do not drink the coffee,” Loki bid you one morning about a month later. You sighed. How had no one figured out he’d switched all the coffee for decaf?

    “What’d you do to it this time?” you asked, sticking with the tea you had gotten used to over the last couple of months. The rest of the team had finally mellowed out as their bodies adjusted to the decaf.

    “I have done nothing,” Loki replied, flipping the page of the book he was reading.

    “Uh-huh,” you replied, but curled up with him, leaning against him as you summoned a book of your own to read. He kissed the top of your head and tried not to watch in excitement when the rest of the team came in and got coffee to down.

    You didn’t have to wonder what he did to the coffee for long. The entire team looked jittery after a minute. Nat kept talking faster and faster, and switched to Russian when the words wouldn’t come in English. They were soon all bouncing off the walls, giggling like children given too much sugar. Tony with an ironman suit when he was giggling like a child was almost as bad as him having an ironman suit while he was drunk. He and Rhodey started having arm wrestling, then full-out wrestling contests in their suits. You sipped on your tea and watched the drama.

    Your phone beeped about an hour into the drama with a message from Fury. -All nonessential staff are to return to their rooms immediately and attempt to sleep off whatever was in the coffee. All coffee is to be destroyed immediately. That order includes all Avengers, and especially includes Doctor Banner. Loki, unless you’re with Sigyn, your ass better be in that containment cell when I find you. Sigyn, find that cursed boyfriend of yours.-

    “Found you,” you told Loki with a grin.

    “That was quick. Maybe I should go hide better,” he replied.

    “I think you’re in enough trouble,” you reminded him.

    “But it was fun while it lasted,”

    “What’d he do this time?” Tony demanded once he finally read the message from Fury.

    “Changed all the coffee for decaf for the last, like, two months, and then swapped it for....espresso?” Loki nodded. “This morning.” You explained to the team with an innocent smile. You still weren’t sure why everyone believed your innocent act. Most of the time you were just as guilty of mischief as Loki.

    The Avengers all glared at him, but that could only last for a minute and were soon all giggling like children again.

    Fury found you all in the common room a couple hours later, the Avengers all passed out on the floor and various couches after the espresso had worn off. You and Loki were calmly reading on your couch. He just shook his head and walked away, noping out of the situation.


End file.
